I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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