btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
