I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
