so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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