when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Don't EVER smell your tampon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize