I think scott just propositioned me for sex
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
