let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
