Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
