I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
