It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize