insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
