every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
