I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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