This house was built for laser tag.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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