I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
