he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
