It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's never too late to be topless.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
