Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
