last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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