I need to stop coming to work sober
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
