I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
