you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
