I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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