Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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