I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
