So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
