i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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