These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
