I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
