Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
