My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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