I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
