she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize