he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
