Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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