She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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