I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
