Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
