Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
