Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i now understand why vodka
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
