I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
