3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
