How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
