I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
