I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your penis caused this!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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