So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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