Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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