Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
