she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
