there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
