Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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