Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
