I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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