it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My bed smells like the plague
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize