I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i believe in u and ur pee
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