Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
