if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
