The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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