Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
