Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need help removing her.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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