; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
