Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize