Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
