I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
