Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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