sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
