Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
