I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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