do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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