my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she looked like the before picture.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
