Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Small penises have feelings too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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