Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
