Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
