24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
