the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
