U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
