my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
