like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
