I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
