The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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