I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bring me that man meat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
