can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
