One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize