The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i think my cat just said my name.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
