Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
