I cannot find my penis.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is Oprah even human
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