He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize