I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
