Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
