I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
