woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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