You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
