Taylor Swift is so right about you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
