upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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