Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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