Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
