Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He better not be in your backpack
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
