Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
